Monday, January 15, 2007
[*L.o$t .aNd. c0N.fu$eD*] ...everything i believed in, everything that i thought was true, suddenly came crashing down on me, and i'm not sure what to do or believe anymore. i've not lost my faith in God, no, this matter has nothing to do with Him, but with the people in my environment, people whom by nature of the sin of this world, failed me. and the funny thing is, because of the nature of sinning, it's not their fault for what has happened, i guess we can only blame the incompetency of man for not being able, and never being able to be perfect. but i guess i'm so stunned, that i can't feel for this matter anymore. i'm void of any feelings and i just don't wanna get myself involved in it anymore.
i never knew it could hurt this bad. i thought i was strong enough but i guess i was wrong. but it doesn't matter cos i'm in the process of picking myself up, and one thing i've learnt from this matter is to be more careful. being independent is very important cos you can never really rely on anyone. people tend to break promises and people tend to be unreliable. but yet again, it's not their fault. it's the human nature and the sin that exist in each and everyone of us. even so, just to protect myself from future hurts, i've decided to be more careful when it comes to people and trust.
i don't want to trust anyone that easily. i don't wanna depend so much on people. i'm capable of being independent and being popular was never once any of my priority right from the start. it's ok to have people disliking you, cos what's important here is moral courage. to do the things required of you, standing up for what your responsibilities calls you to do even if you don't like it. face it, no one in this world, in the right frame of mind enjoys scolding people and making anyone unhappy. so if they have to do it, trust me, it hurts them a lot more for having to scold or lecture you than it is for you to hear it and apply what they've said into your life. but i guess, again, that it is human nature to put one's self above others and naturally, one's need more important than others too. in short, people are self-centred.
it's not easy being leaders. in fact, it's difficult cos you'd have to clear any mess even if you're not the one who did it. harsh reality of life is, whether you like to or not, since you've been tasked to do it, you'll still have to do it. so get over it, be mature and do it. stop lamenting and brooding on how unhappy you are having to do this or that. behave your age and behave sensibly. cos you're doing yourself and everyone else a favour by doing that. it also trains you for your future cos in work, you'll have to do your job anyhow. you can't tell your boss you don't feel like doing and expect him to say. ok. you don't have to do it and smile. it can only happen in your dreams.
alrights. i've vented out all the trash i've been bottling up. i guess being alone was part of my life and is part of my life. but i'm fine with it cos at least my risk of getting hurt is less. so what the heck. hopefully the nest time i blog, i'll be in a much better mood cos now, i just wish i could forget everything that happened and not bother myself with anything at all.
love,
cheryn ...
posted at 1/15/2007 07:56:00 pm
